how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
