she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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