Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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