I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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