yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
