It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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