**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
