ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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