You really coming over, don't trick.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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