Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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