i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
