Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
