Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
