If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
