just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i came on her dog
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
