His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
