we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
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Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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