i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
