im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
