Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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