I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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