Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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