So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
