Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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