if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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