too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
