I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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