he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
