HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
