they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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