it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
