need another drink. this is the easiest way
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
