did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
