On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
