That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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