He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
