If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
