the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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