is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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