I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
