I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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