i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
