Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
