Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
