Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
