So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
