Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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