The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
