you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
