So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
