you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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