hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
