Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
