hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
