Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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