I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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