This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
