dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
