Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
