so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
