Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
