birth control should be required to get into college
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
