sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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