Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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