you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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