You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
