is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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