Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
