I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
