I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
