I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
