Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
