Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
someone owes me an orgasm
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
