I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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