It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
