she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I could fuck to npr.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize