Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
